Lolly Scramble (26/6/09)

The Mysterious Mystery.
I saw his face contort itself into a visage of such wonder, such confusion, and such anguish as can hardly be described. Mr B lifted his discombobulated eyes to our impenetrable faces, which were the very images of innocence. The boys glanced at one another in their benevolent, simple way, each asking the silent question to the other "Why is he so distressed after viewing the contents of his drawer?"
Then Mr B broke this silent correspondence with a verbal sentence of such eloquence and fine grammatical fervor that mine eyes do water as I type it: "Who, dear students, support of my later years, aid in my dotage, joy of my antiquated condition, you who are as dear to me as the very hairs on my head, you who are the very reason for which I live, who, my dear innocents, has been in my lolly drawer, and has partaken of that sweet repast which lies therein?"
Dumbfounded, flabbergasted, disconcerted, we glanced most uncertainly at each other, our eyes full of dark confusion and bitter disarray. Who, we wondered, who could have done this dreadfully direful deed? What manner of man was he who would bend so low as to take from our kindly teacher the very source of his happiness and joy? What pernicious fiend, what demon, what spirit from Hades could dare to to practically murder this kindly man, who had never wronged an ant, much less a fellow man?
As we wiped back the tears of sympathy from our reddened eyes, a sudden light dawned on our clouded world, and we descried the evildoer as he passed to the other classroom! At once all thought of pity, all will toward forgiveness, all Christian charity flew out the window as we saw the man who caused such suffering, such torment, such demonic ruin, in our once peaceful school. And without waiting for a moment, lest this evil continue to plague the earth, we denounced him to our suffering teacher. "Dear Mr B," we cried all at once (such was our emotion that it broke through our natural respect of eachother's speech), "Mr B, teacher of teachers, lord of the lolly, bringer of goodfortune, and all the rest, dear Mr B, 'twas Mr P, aye, that man whom you just descried, 'twas he who stole thine vittles!" "Yes, Mr B, he tore the packet open, and 'fore we could halt his dreadful feed, all the sweets were gorged down unto the very last!" Mr B stood before us... the judgement was for him to make, and it dismayed us that he should have to take this task unto himself. Thus we sought to aid him in his judgement. "Flog him!" cried one youth. "Burn him!" cried another. "Lynch him!" cried a third, and then there was a silence, for Mr B looked us in the eye, and to us this he said "I say let the judgement be on his head, and I pray for a miracle to save me from this plight!" We agreed most wholeheartedly.
And LO! next day, when entered we the school, a grin did smile upon us, and thus we asked our benevolent teacher "Why so?" And he tore the drawer from his desk in one movement, and showed us the inside. And it was filled as with a hundred bags of lollies, and then we smiled too.