Any story sounds true until you hear the other side. Here is the
testimony of Mr. P regarding that incident (the Lolly Scramble):

Since the beginning of the year when I, Mr. P began my position as
group leader at the academy, I assumed total responsibility over the
entire operation: Three colleagues, my room with desk, four
white-board pens assigned to the room, four white-board pens with me
at all times, a briefcase with one set of folders for all assignments,
one set of folders for all completed assignments, one set of folders
for all marked assignments, a high backed chair, fourteen sets of
texts, seven keys in hand - that is everything I use. Mine is a model
of efficiency and order.

Constantly I meet the undergraduates on the verandah outside my
classroom; they always have something to hide as they hurry past
averting their eyes. Their worried brows and downcast eyes betray
their guilt and just as quickly they vanish around the corner. It is a
daily ritual where one misstep in vigilance, one careless moment of
forgetfulness, one second of allowing myself to drift off into the
imaginary embrace of a baked Tim-Tam cake with layers of Cadbury
flakes melted with marshmallows and topped with TipTop brand Hokey
Pokey - could allow the seed of rebellion to flourish.

So you will not find it strange, members of the jury, when I tell you
that as they enjoyed their 15-minute recreational leave, I decided a
surprise inspection is in order.

A quick "OUT!" and three younger students congregating around the
toilets scurried off like rats. A brisk sweep of the room revealed a
radio quietly broadcasting subversive propaganda from The Rock. The
transmission is terminated quickly; I'd done this many times before.
The lockers reveal nothing odd save the occasional wad of paper which
should have been properly disposed in the wastepaper basket.

All in all, it is a typical morning. As I turned to make my way
towards the general staff room, a faint but distinct glimmer caught
the periphery of my vision. It was the wastepaper basket wherein were
deposited six lolly wrappers. These were no ordinary lollies, mind
you, as the golden wrappers indicated a provenance none other than
Werther's butterscotch toffies presented to section seven leader Mr. B
by none other than Herr Doktor Professor Hans Werther von
Recklinghausen-Krautsburg!

Such lollies are an honor greater than the Victoria Cross! Greater
because you can eat them. Unauthorized consumption has penalties as
harsh as flogging, burning and lynching. This was serious.

*sigh*

Five years ago, this would have been a straightforward matter of using
enhanced interrogation techniques involving a cricket bat to get my
answers but this is no longer acceptable by so-called modern
standards. Such is life these days.

I drink my tea out of my black and yellow cup emblazoned with the
Imperial Eagle of Otto the Emperor of Austria, King of Hungary, King
of Bohemia, King of Lombardy-Venetia, of Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia,
Galicia, Lodomeria and Illyria; King of Jerusalem etc., Archduke of
Austria; Grand Duke of Tuscany and Cracow, Duke of Lorraine, of
Salzburg, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola and of the Bukovina; Grand
Prince of Transylvania; Margrave of Moravia; Duke of Upper and Lower
Silesia, of Modena, Parma, Piacenza and Guastalla, of Auschwitz, Zator
and Teschen, Friuli, Ragusa and Zara; Princely Count of Habsburg and
Tyrol, of Kyburg, Gorizia and Gradisca; Prince of Trent and Brixen;
Margrave of Upper and Lower Lusatia and in Istria; Count of Hohenems,
Feldkirch, Bregenz, Sonnenberg, etc.; Lord of Trieste, of Cattaro, and
in the Windic march; Grand Voivode of the Voivodship of Serbia etc.,
black tea steeped for one minute and forty five seconds with two
tablespoons of sugar and three table spoons of full cream milk and
head back. They settle back into the classroom and sigh to themselves
contentedly - this is the best time to catch them. "Why don't dogs
make good dancers?" I ask. Unaware of the trap about to befall them,
they reply "I don't know, tell us"

"Because they have two left feet". The students are smiling while
shaking their heads disapprovingly and I see the remnants of the
sticky brown toffee on their teeth, each one guilty as all of them. I
smile back. They suspect nothing.

I prepare to submit my report. Even before I could finish writing out
the detention slips, however, the boys were busy using politics
against me. They had reported me to the secret police and Mr. B had
sent for the official morning accounting record for the lollies. He
stormed into the general staff quarters accusing me, "The evidence is
clear! The students report you were in the room during the morning
interval and the other staff recall you did not take your coffee until
ten minutes after the break."

After a short protest he will hear none of it. "You can deny the
account" he says "but you cannot deny the presence of the golden
wrappers in my bin!" There is no arguing against such overwhelming
evidence. I rubbed my chin and felt an old fencing scar. Yes. I would
fight my way out. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared;
said "you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air" ... I
whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said REICH
und das ist die letzten von mir!

(trans. from the original German [except the very last part which
reads "and that was the last from me!"])



Nb: This story was written by the anonymous Mr V. Congratulations on his great literary style!

-Streff

Colourful Visitor

No one told us in advance
About the new boy from France.
Oui, il s'appelle Gregory
Et il vient de Paris.

Just his second day at school
Mr Frenchie broke a rule:
Video sur l'internet
Qu'on ne se le permette!

We hope that he will come to see
How to fit in and how to be.
Il doit apprendre une chose ou deux;
Il doit se couper les cheveux!