Mysterious Flames Flare Furiously
'Twas long ago, in ages scarcely remembered by mortal man, a time of mythical creatures and fantastic legends... aye, 'twas last year. Yon was a time when the mighty Izak wandered the earth in search of his yearnings, in search of the secret of... of... ooh, you're on the edge of your seat, I know... the secret of... the suspense is awful... well, Izak was searching long and lengthily for this secret, and, at length, after years and decades, after travelling through ancient Greece, mighty Rome, magnificent Constantinople, incredible Wanganui, and numerous other empires of astounding grandeur, the mighty Izak quite unexpectedly, quite accidentally, rather surpisingly, rather suddenly, yes, Izak stumbled on the Secret... the Secret of... of... of... Fire! Yes, dear Reader,the mighty wanderer had discovered one of the earliest and commonest tools of Man... he had found the Secret of Fire! But our hero, though of stable structure and manageable might was nevertheless unprepared for the next enlightenment... the Secret of... of... Petrol! Aye, 'twas a day of unceasing wonder and increasing knowledge for this caveman of old... Untrained, uneducated, uncultured as he was. He went about in his cavey-way, and first stumbled on the Secret of Fire, (yes, literally! Let me explain). He stumbled over a box of matches, which inexplicably opened, allowing a match to extricate itself, bounce on the earth 2.5 times, strike the match-box, and ignite. "Ooh", he grunted in a mixed up mixture of fear, wonder, eggs, flour, sugar, vanilla-essence, and astonishment. Crawling around the lit match cautiously, he finally approached the flaming creature. "Ugh!" he muttered. "Spit, sput!" answered the match. "Ugh, ut!" growled the brazen warrior, as he advanced on the bright phenomenon. Now here is the amazing part of amazement... our hero, this superhuman, this most powerful and brave (and slightly stupid) of men stretched forth his hand, and, in an act of unequalled bravery, he courageously snatched up the flaring match, which was drawing near to the end of its short life. Now here is the stupid part of stupidity... our hero, who, let us bear in mind, was the most powerful and brave man who ever lived, Izak held this expiring match between his forefinger and thumb. And we all know what happens when you do that! "Owoo! Owaa!" shrieked (but still retaining all of his power and bravery) Izak. And here is the fatal part of fatality... for Izak was soon to learn of another, and far more wonderous Secret...
The match was flung through the air in slow-motion (all portentous things do, if you've seen any movies), and it spun on its axis, the still glowing flame grinning all the while. The petrol was still for a split-second after the potent match landed. Then, as it ignited, Izak grunted "OooHOO!" (He may also have grunted "Ugh", but this is unrecorded, and is open to debate). Anyway, the fact of the matter is that the petrol was suddenly feeding a nice big conflagration. At first, Izak was overjoyed at the seemingly-successful outcome of his experiments... but then his mighty brow darkened, and, muttering "Ugh grah", he became immensely dismayed, for the fire spread itself like butter over bread, and engulfed his mummies shed. "Oog!" grumbled our hero as he ran aimlessly in futile directions, muttering all the while.
Well, to make a long story even longer, I'll carry on...
The shed was wrapped in flames ofa ferocious ferocity, feeding on the fullness of the petrol. Meanwhile Sue glanced out of the window by mere chance. She saw Izak, on all fours, jumping mindlessly around grunting "oog Ugh Fireugh" at the top of his brave and powerful voice. This would be enough to drive anyone insane, but the burning shed and having lived with Izak for 17 long years made Sue's head explode in righteous indignation...
"Izak!" she yelled. "Oog? OOG!" he screamed as his mum grabbed the paintball gun. Izak was severely punished on the spot, and (unfortunately) (and surprisingly) lived to tell the legend of his life...
'Twas long ago, in ages scarcely remembered by mortal man, a time of mythical creatures and fantastic legends... aye, 'twas last year. Yon was a time when the mighty Izak wandered the earth in search of his yearnings, in search of the secret of... of... ooh, you're on the edge of your seat, I know... the secret of... the suspense is awful... well, Izak was searching long and lengthily for this secret, and, at length, after years and decades, after travelling through ancient Greece, mighty Rome, magnificent Constantinople, incredible Wanganui, and numerous other empires of astounding grandeur, the mighty Izak quite unexpectedly, quite accidentally, rather surpisingly, rather suddenly, yes, Izak stumbled on the Secret... the Secret of... of... of... Fire! Yes, dear Reader,the mighty wanderer had discovered one of the earliest and commonest tools of Man... he had found the Secret of Fire! But our hero, though of stable structure and manageable might was nevertheless unprepared for the next enlightenment... the Secret of... of... Petrol! Aye, 'twas a day of unceasing wonder and increasing knowledge for this caveman of old... Untrained, uneducated, uncultured as he was. He went about in his cavey-way, and first stumbled on the Secret of Fire, (yes, literally! Let me explain). He stumbled over a box of matches, which inexplicably opened, allowing a match to extricate itself, bounce on the earth 2.5 times, strike the match-box, and ignite. "Ooh", he grunted in a mixed up mixture of fear, wonder, eggs, flour, sugar, vanilla-essence, and astonishment. Crawling around the lit match cautiously, he finally approached the flaming creature. "Ugh!" he muttered. "Spit, sput!" answered the match. "Ugh, ut!" growled the brazen warrior, as he advanced on the bright phenomenon. Now here is the amazing part of amazement... our hero, this superhuman, this most powerful and brave (and slightly stupid) of men stretched forth his hand, and, in an act of unequalled bravery, he courageously snatched up the flaring match, which was drawing near to the end of its short life. Now here is the stupid part of stupidity... our hero, who, let us bear in mind, was the most powerful and brave man who ever lived, Izak held this expiring match between his forefinger and thumb. And we all know what happens when you do that! "Owoo! Owaa!" shrieked (but still retaining all of his power and bravery) Izak. And here is the fatal part of fatality... for Izak was soon to learn of another, and far more wonderous Secret...
The match was flung through the air in slow-motion (all portentous things do, if you've seen any movies), and it spun on its axis, the still glowing flame grinning all the while. The petrol was still for a split-second after the potent match landed. Then, as it ignited, Izak grunted "OooHOO!" (He may also have grunted "Ugh", but this is unrecorded, and is open to debate). Anyway, the fact of the matter is that the petrol was suddenly feeding a nice big conflagration. At first, Izak was overjoyed at the seemingly-successful outcome of his experiments... but then his mighty brow darkened, and, muttering "Ugh grah", he became immensely dismayed, for the fire spread itself like butter over bread, and engulfed his mummies shed. "Oog!" grumbled our hero as he ran aimlessly in futile directions, muttering all the while.
Well, to make a long story even longer, I'll carry on...
The shed was wrapped in flames ofa ferocious ferocity, feeding on the fullness of the petrol. Meanwhile Sue glanced out of the window by mere chance. She saw Izak, on all fours, jumping mindlessly around grunting "oog Ugh Fireugh" at the top of his brave and powerful voice. This would be enough to drive anyone insane, but the burning shed and having lived with Izak for 17 long years made Sue's head explode in righteous indignation...
"Izak!" she yelled. "Oog? OOG!" he screamed as his mum grabbed the paintball gun. Izak was severely punished on the spot, and (unfortunately) (and surprisingly) lived to tell the legend of his life...
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