‘Twas ‘pon a night most dreary,
A night all made of Woe
When saw I the new “guvna”
And sayeth he “Yo bro.”
I halted, hesitating,
My heart was full of dread
This spectre speaking thusly
Seemed from the realm of dead.
Hence when he spoketh to me
In words so commonplace
I failed to answer quickly,
So he looked me in the face.
His eyes burned most fi-erc’ly
His nose twitched twitchingly
His mouth curled in a grin
Which was bewitching me.
His afro seemed a mountain
A mountain of black hair
Which towered high above me
And filled my soul with fear.
“Did you not descry me,
Or heard you not my voice,
That now you should espy me,
And answer not from choice?”
Now had he me in power,
So answer him I dared
And here is the small statement
Which, in my fear, I said:
“Who art thou who speakest so
To say to me, uncouth, “yo bro”
And hence when fall I wondering
To ask of me why is it so?”
With this I stilled my trembling tongue,
And managed to remain,
Till from his mouth to mine own ear
An answer did there came.
“I walk in mine own realm,
Thus speak I as I do.
And now let me pose a question…
Who the hell are you?!”
He had me there, this phantasm
For here I was alone
In street of modern fabricance
Without a right my own.
I told him this, I told him true
And thence he grinned a smile.
“Now let me tell thee the true tale
Of my history the while.
And here it is:
My name is Sam, and has been so,
Since came I to the world,
And my last name has a power which
Has still to be unfurled.
This name is strong, this name is me
And hence it is so hidden,
For the usurper who took my throne
Has had it so forbidden.
But now the time has come, say I
To take my rightful chair.
‘tis I who is suppose-ed
To sit with afro-hair,
And rule all of New Zealand,
Wanganui and so on.
Yet here sits foolish fellow
Who calls it all his own.
My name will rock this world
As did those others great
Like Caesar, Napoleon
And Alex the ingrate.
This name was long foretold,
And used in times of yore,
When simple words like “king”
Wouldn’t work no more.
Now I shall say my name,
And you will say “Oh, my”
And you will see the world
Change ‘fore your very eye.
Kawana is my name,
Kawana is my title
Kawana is my reign,
And now I claim my right, till
Succesor doth appear
To carry on from me
The order of New Zealand,
This crazy countery."
I bowed down before him,
I knelt on bended knee,
For that he was the "Guvna"
Was plain for all to see.
And what did pass thereafter
Here will I tell thee not,
For as you may have noticed,
It's all a load of rot!
This is in honour of the Maori family name of "Kawana".
