The Governor

‘Twas ‘pon a night most dreary,

A night all made of Woe

When saw I the new “guvna”

And sayeth he “Yo bro.”

I halted, hesitating,

My heart was full of dread

This spectre speaking thusly

Seemed from the realm of dead.

Hence when he spoketh to me

In words so commonplace

I failed to answer quickly,

So he looked me in the face.

His eyes burned most fi-erc’ly

His nose twitched twitchingly

His mouth curled in a grin

Which was bewitching me.

His afro seemed a mountain

A mountain of black hair

Which towered high above me

And filled my soul with fear.

“Did you not descry me,

Or heard you not my voice,

That now you should espy me,

And answer not from choice?”

Now had he me in power,

So answer him I dared

And here is the small statement

Which, in my fear, I said:

“Who art thou who speakest so

To say to me, uncouth, “yo bro”

And hence when fall I wondering

To ask of me why is it so?”

With this I stilled my trembling tongue,

And managed to remain,

Till from his mouth to mine own ear

An answer did there came.

“I walk in mine own realm,

Thus speak I as I do.

And now let me pose a question…

Who the hell are you?!”

He had me there, this phantasm

For here I was alone

In street of modern fabricance

Without a right my own.

I told him this, I told him true

And thence he grinned a smile.

“Now let me tell thee the true tale

Of my history the while.

And here it is:

My name is Sam, and has been so,

Since came I to the world,

And my last name has a power which

Has still to be unfurled.

This name is strong, this name is me

And hence it is so hidden,

For the usurper who took my throne

Has had it so forbidden.

But now the time has come, say I

To take my rightful chair.

‘tis I who is suppose-ed

To sit with afro-hair,

And rule all of New Zealand,

Wanganui and so on.

Yet here sits foolish fellow

Who calls it all his own.

My name will rock this world

As did those others great

Like Caesar, Napoleon

And Alex the ingrate.

This name was long foretold,

And used in times of yore,

When simple words like “king”

Wouldn’t work no more.

Now I shall say my name,

And you will say “Oh, my”

And you will see the world

Change ‘fore your very eye.

Kawana is my name,

Kawana is my title

Kawana is my reign,

And now I claim my right, till

Succesor doth appear

To carry on from me

The order of New Zealand,

This crazy countery."

I bowed down before him,

I knelt on bended knee,

For that he was the "Guvna"

Was plain for all to see.

And what did pass thereafter

Here will I tell thee not,

For as you may have noticed,

It's all a load of rot!

This is in honour of the Maori family name of "Kawana".